Hi, as people keep asking me where to find this, I thought i'd post it again, enjoy! Pete.
In this clip Edward P Nehoc gives you some great tips on gaining weight and avoiding healthy habits as the current wave of healthy eating and weight-loss has the Ministry worried for the nation's health.
[Lifted from Cranky Fitness - originally from Morgan's blog]
This spoof infomercial is tres funny, take a look:
I had a junk email the other day that had the headline: LOSE TEN POUNDS IN A WEEK. If you get one of these, before you rush to pick up the phone, stop and ask yourself, ‘ten pounds of what?’ Because we can tell you that it won’t be fat!
Most people can comfortably lose around two pounds of fat in a week. Do you really want to start shedding muscle, or dehydrating?
Over the last few millennia our amazing bodies have developed an incredible system to keep us alive through periods when food is scarce – the ability to store food in the form of fat for use during the lean times. It’s a wonderful system, but it’s also a major problem for everyone who lives with food mountains rather than famine. Although we've evolved beyond a primitive lifestyle, we still have the survival mechanisms in place, so whenever we seriously restrict our calorie intake our bodies assume there’s a food shortage and hold onto the fat we’ve got stored in case things get worse. But we need to stay alive and start burning lean muscle tissue instead!
Every time you go on a crash diet you are going to lose muscle until your body adjusts itself to getting fewer calories. But the chances are that by the time your body has made this delicate adjustment you’ll have given up on the diet, so when you start eating normally again your body is overwhelmed with the extra food and starts slapping it straight back on as fat. Your metabolism – the rate at which your body burns those calories – can remain lower than usual for weeks after you finish your diet. Your body remembers how much fat you used to have and wants to put it back quickly in case you suddenly start dieting again. Which, of course, many people usually do.
Think of your body as a fireplace; the fire is your metabolism and the logs are the food. If you disappear for the day and leave the fire unattended, the chances are that when you come back to it in the evening it will almost be out. You might stoke it up with logs to get it going again, but the embers won’t be hot enough to get them burning. When you look at the fireplace the next morning, you might find your logs from the night before are still lying there, a little charred, perhaps, but not burnt up. If you have a habit of going for long periods without food, your metabolism will slow right down. Perhaps you’re working hard so you skip lunch, finish work late and stop for pizza on the way home. By that time, of course, you’ll be feeling pretty hungry – but don’t be fooled: Your metabolism will have virtually given up by then. Eating a big meal and going straight to bed means you’ve got less chance of digesting that food quickly and burning it up. It’s much more likely to be turned into fat and stored. If you eat small amounts regularly, you will have a better chance of using it up as you go along.
Beware the hollow promise!
Video - 5 mins
Hey, this might just be your current diet-plan!
More movies like this are available on my other site:
The Ultimate Anti-Health Plan on petecohen.com
"Packed with tips and tricks to shorten your lifespan ;-)"
"V.funny. Thanks for making me actually laugh today!"
The Imperial Ministry for Anti-Health has plans to increase it's reach by creating more 'Educational Moving Pictures'. Response to the initial outline of the Ministry's policies on food and exercise has resulted in substantial weight-gain worldwide. Brilliant! The Ministry plans to further elaborate it's stance with New Policies on topics such as:
The Ministry - as ever - aims to provide Free Fast Food and Heavily Processed Foods for All, and strongly recommends a Total Ban On All Unnecessary Exercise.
We'd love to receive any suggestions you have for Anti-Health Policies before we start planning the filming, so please add a comment below to make a suggestion or two
If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you'll probably need to see The Ultimate Anti-Health Plan on Youtube first. Things will become clearer. Trust me :)
