Category: Weight-loss-humour
11 Posts
Synthetic Take-away
I do come across some strange things in my life - one of them was the other day when I walked past a sandwich shop only to see these packages of food. It kind of takes synthetic, processed foods to another level!



I am sure the real sandwiches in this shop were great but it got me thinking that so many people don’t realise that if they eat lots of packaged and processed foods that they’re probably not getting the necessary nutrients to be healthy.
You may have heard that apparently there are about as many obese people in the world as there are those who are starving. The difference between these groups is that one is overeating and one is under-eating: the similarity is that both are malnourished. Whilst those of us in the developed world have more than enough to eat, the food we’re eating is less nutritious than it used to be. In addition, we lead more stressful lives than we used to and our bodies need vitamins and minerals to help us recover from stress: so we are suffering both from how we live and what we eat, or rather what we don’t eat. Every process that takes place in our body (such as digestion, fat burning, thinking, breathing, walking and talking) requires vitamins and minerals. If we fill up on junk foods, processed foods, sugary foods, deep fried foods and takeaways all we deplete our body’s stores of nutrients. If we don’t replenish our stores, over time, we suffer from poor immunity and, ultimately, ill health; we’ll find it harder to concentrate and process information; we’ll have less energy; and we’ll find it more difficult to metabolise food and burn fat. The good news is that we can reverse this process. When we eat fresh, natural foods, we top up our stock of vitamins and minerals.
Let’s imagine for a minute or two that it’s mid-afternoon and you are hungry. You fancy a snack and you have two choices: an apple and a chocolate bar. What does each option give you? The apple will give you a steady release of energy; vitamin C, which is good for your skin, bones, blood and building immunity; potassium, which helps to regulate your water balance, blood pressure and your heartbeat; and fibre, which keeps your digestive system healthy and helps reduce the risk of colon cancer. The chocolate bar, on the other hand, will give you a sugar hit, which will cause your energy levels to crash; saturated fat, which increases your risk of heart disease – and nothing of any value. When you look at foods like this, don’t you think there’s little competition between them?
Food manufacturers refine foods to make them last longer and so they’re more profitable; but you deserve better than that. No matter what you might think about your body or how long you’ve been abusing it with poor quality food, your body deserves to have fresh, nutritious, natural food.
Attitude is everything
Hi everyone the following was sent to me from Vikki from Scotland, who won a years free life coaching with me. I love it so much that i wanted everyone to see it.
Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly......
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
If you loved this as much as i did, please leave a comment below :)
Flock Off
Hi there everyone,
Most of you know that one of the most important things I talk about is the voice in our heads that quacks away at us like a duck.
Our basic quality of life comes down to how we communicate with ourselves and what we say to ourselves. Our lives can improve so much by getting the duck to shut up, so the next time you find yourself giving yourself a hard time, say the mantra to yourself: "SHUT THE DUCK UP"
I hope you like the picture of the duck flying away because with a bit of work may be yours will too and you'll be free to enjoy your life more!
Download a really big version of the picture here.
Oh, and - here's an older post on the duck...
See you all soon!
Pete
The Ultimate Anti-Health Plan (again)
Hi, as people keep asking me where to find this, I thought i'd post it again, enjoy! Pete.
In this clip Edward P Nehoc gives you some great tips on gaining weight and avoiding healthy habits as the current wave of healthy eating and weight-loss has the Ministry worried for the nation's health.
Inch Loss Island - Day 2 - Early Start

It’s Day 2 and it’s 4.50am. Our recruits are in for shock as they are being woken up at 5am by our fitness trainer Mark Anthony for an early morning workout. I can’t imagine that they would have ever experienced anything like this before but we need to get them out of their comfort zones and get them doing things differently because; if they always do what they’ve always done then they will always get what they’ve always got.
Today sees me greet the ladies live on air (weather permitting!) at 8.15 as someone who’s is overweight. I was going to be wearing a fat suit but it was left in London by the GMTV crew so we are going to pad me out with loads of sheets and towels to make me look overweight. I am sure this might upset some viewers, as they may think I'm making fun of their weight, but I actually want to make a really important point to our recruits, and to the viewers . The fact is no one is born overweight, they have become that way through their lives and their life experiences. You could say that they are good or even skilled at behaving in a way that allows their weight to increase. It might not be what they want, but they have put a lot of effort into eating when they are not hungry, eating more than they need and being in-active.
In addition many people have also put loads of effort into losing weight and getting fit only to return to their old habits. So, many overweight people are actually comfortable with the way that they are ... and this is the challenge: to get out of our comfort zones, to do things differently and learn the skills and techniques that not only help us lose weight, but also keep it off!
I better get out of my bed now and go check out our ladies as it’s after 5!
Take care, Pete
The Ultimate Anti-Health Plan
Weight Loss Spoof by Pete Cohen:
Video - 5 mins
Hey, this might just be your current diet-plan!
More movies like this are available on my other site:
The Ultimate Anti-Health Plan on petecohen.com
"Packed with tips and tricks to shorten your lifespan ;-)"
"V.funny. Thanks for making me actually laugh today!"
More Anti-Health Policies from the Ministry

The Imperial Ministry for Anti-Health has plans to increase it's reach by creating more 'Educational Moving Pictures'. Response to the initial outline of the Ministry's policies on food and exercise has resulted in substantial weight-gain worldwide. Brilliant! The Ministry plans to further elaborate it's stance with New Policies on topics such as:
- Bicycles (Ban them! Use motor vehicles to save energy)
- Dogs (No more Dogs. Free cat-for-dog-exchange = less exercise)
- Fruit (What is this ridiculous fascination with fruit? Let's get back to basics - like cake!)
- and so on...
The Ministry - as ever - aims to provide Free Fast Food and Heavily Processed Foods for All, and strongly recommends a Total Ban On All Unnecessary Exercise.
We'd love to receive any suggestions you have for Anti-Health Policies before we start planning the filming, so please add a comment below to make a suggestion or two
If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you'll probably need to see The Ultimate Anti-Health Plan on Youtube first. Things will become clearer. Trust me :)
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Thank you my friend Daniela who sent me this. I don't normally read these viral 'funnies' but this one caught my attention.
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