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The Imperial Ministry for Anti-Health brings you a simple 4-step approach to achieving a body that's shapeless and lifeless.
Good day to you, I am the Under Secretary from the Imperial Ministry of Anti Health. It has come to our attention that many people in the world are thinking about losing weight, getting fit and healthy.
This is strictly and most awfully in opposition to our master plan here at the Ministry to increasing peoples weight and make them more prone to sickness and poor health.
Without your help and support we not be able to reach our target of making as many people as obese as possible.
We desperately need your help and support so please join us on our campaign and pass on this email to as many people as possible and together we can make a big difference in the world.
Please join our campaign and help us in making people as overweight and as unhealthy as possible.
When I was at school, our biology teacher told us a story of what happens when you put a frog in boiling water. I have no idea why he did, but it’s interesting from a behavioural perspective. In the same way as if you or I were put in a bath of boiling water, the frog will jump straight out. He will then be petrified of going anywhere near the water because he knows how hot and uncomfortable it is, which is understandable. So how do you get a frog to stay in boiling water, assuming you have a good reason for doing that? Well, you put the frog in water of a comfortable temperature and then gradually heat up the water: the frog gets used to the rise in temperature so stays there even when the water is at boiling point. Unfortunately the frog is unlikely to be able to survive and will die but doesn’t jump out because he doesn’t realise how much danger he’s in because he’s got so used to it.
With the hundreds of people with whom I’ve worked, I see a similar pattern in how people look after their health: people collect unhealthy habits, none of which seem that bad in isolation but over time they add up to be really painful. Just as the frog doesn’t realise how the temperature of the water is getting dangerous, many people don’t realise how their gradual decline in health is dangerous. For example, someone may start by putting on a bit of weight; then their excess weight makes it harder for them to breathe; this is followed by high blood pressure; and they then end up with Type 2 diabetes. At each stage, it’s ‘one more thing to cope with’, ‘a bit of bad news’, or, simply, ‘bad luck’: but, rather like heating up the water one degree at a time, this person eventually finds themselves in boiling water but doesn’t realise how serious it is. If they had suddenly gone from fine to poor health overnight, they would have noticed the significant change in how they felt: but because their health problems have been gradually building up, they don’t realise how far removed they are from perfect health. The good news, however, is that, even when you’re sitting in boiling water, many health problems can be reversed simply by changing your behaviour
I do come across some strange things in my life - one of them was the other day when I walked past a sandwich shop only to see these packages of food. It kind of takes synthetic, processed foods to another level!
I am sure the real sandwiches in this shop were great but it got me thinking that so many people don’t realise that if they eat lots of packaged and processed foods that they’re probably not getting the necessary nutrients to be healthy.
You may have heard that apparently there are about as many obese people in the world as there are those who are starving. The difference between these groups is that one is overeating and one is under-eating: the similarity is that both are malnourished. Whilst those of us in the developed world have more than enough to eat, the food we’re eating is less nutritious than it used to be. In addition, we lead more stressful lives than we used to and our bodies need vitamins and minerals to help us recover from stress: so we are suffering both from how we live and what we eat, or rather what we don’t eat. Every process that takes place in our body (such as digestion, fat burning, thinking, breathing, walking and talking) requires vitamins and minerals. If we fill up on junk foods, processed foods, sugary foods, deep fried foods and takeaways all we deplete our body’s stores of nutrients. If we don’t replenish our stores, over time, we suffer from poor immunity and, ultimately, ill health; we’ll find it harder to concentrate and process information; we’ll have less energy; and we’ll find it more difficult to metabolise food and burn fat. The good news is that we can reverse this process. When we eat fresh, natural foods, we top up our stock of vitamins and minerals.
Let’s imagine for a minute or two that it’s mid-afternoon and you are hungry. You fancy a snack and you have two choices: an apple and a chocolate bar. What does each option give you? The apple will give you a steady release of energy; vitamin C, which is good for your skin, bones, blood and building immunity; potassium, which helps to regulate your water balance, blood pressure and your heartbeat; and fibre, which keeps your digestive system healthy and helps reduce the risk of colon cancer. The chocolate bar, on the other hand, will give you a sugar hit, which will cause your energy levels to crash; saturated fat, which increases your risk of heart disease – and nothing of any value. When you look at foods like this, don’t you think there’s little competition between them?
Food manufacturers refine foods to make them last longer and so they’re more profitable; but you deserve better than that. No matter what you might think about your body or how long you’ve been abusing it with poor quality food, your body deserves to have fresh, nutritious, natural food.
63% water
22% protein
13% fat, and
2% minerals and vitamins
And, did you realise that every single molecule in our body comes from the food we eat and the water we drink. So eating the highest quality food in the right quantities helps us achieve our greatest potential for health and vitality.
Yet among the big news stories of the new millennium was this: the number of starving people in the world is now roughly equal to the number of clinically obese people. But the irony is that many people in the developed world are actually eating less than they used to, so what’s going on?
I have seen, over the last twenty years or so, that the quality of food we’re eating has got worse and there is now more focus on highly processed foods. The people I see in my one-to-one clinics and in workshops and seminars seem to be more stressed and very inactive. It appears that we are more obsessed with how we look rather than what we eat.
The sum total of this behavior is that we are gradually eating ourselves to death and, believe it or not, many people who are overweight are actually suffering from the same condition as people who are starving. Yes, MALNUTRITION, The reason being that the processed packaged food is often so heavily refined that it’s lacking in the vitamins and minerals we need for our bodies to work well.
Just as the quality and type of fuel used in your car influences both the performance and longevity of the engine, so the quality and type of food you eat influences the health, performance and longevity of your body.
If your diet contains lots of packaged and processed foods then chances are you are missing out on vital nutrients - so it’s time to cleanse your body. Every single process that takes place in your body - including digestion, fat burning, thinking, breathing, walking and talking - requires vitamins and minerals.
When you eat fresh, natural foods, your stock of vitamins and minerals gets topped up: quite simply, when you eat well, your body works well.
As we lose touch with real ‘live’ food, it becomes harder to form the association with the vitamins and minerals in food and the realisation that we are alive because of them. Our body requires them to survive, so if we keep eating food that is lacking in them, our body’s stocks of these nutrients become depleted so we will start to malfunction and it will become increasingly harder to concentrate and process information. The body will have less energy and it will find it more difficult to metabolise food and burn fat. That’s why junk foods are often called ‘anti-nutrients.’ They literally attack your stores of nutrients and damage your health.
So commit to giving your body what it needs, including good food and plenty of activity, and I will help you along the way, giving you encouragement, support and guidance.
Until next time
[Lifted from Cranky Fitness - originally from Morgan's blog]
This spoof infomercial is tres funny, take a look:
This'll make you laugh, or perhaps not... Includes The Tapeworm Diet, The Russian Air-Force Diet, The Hallelujah Diet and many more shockers
Video - 5 mins
Hey, this might just be your current diet-plan!
More movies like this are available on my other site:
The Ultimate Anti-Health Plan on petecohen.com
"Packed with tips and tricks to shorten your lifespan ;-)"
"V.funny. Thanks for making me actually laugh today!"
The Imperial Ministry for Anti-Health has plans to increase it's reach by creating more 'Educational Moving Pictures'. Response to the initial outline of the Ministry's policies on food and exercise has resulted in substantial weight-gain worldwide. Brilliant! The Ministry plans to further elaborate it's stance with New Policies on topics such as:
The Ministry - as ever - aims to provide Free Fast Food and Heavily Processed Foods for All, and strongly recommends a Total Ban On All Unnecessary Exercise.
We'd love to receive any suggestions you have for Anti-Health Policies before we start planning the filming, so please add a comment below to make a suggestion or two
If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you'll probably need to see The Ultimate Anti-Health Plan on Youtube first. Things will become clearer. Trust me :)
